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Believer, a​.​k​.​a. The Last Shall Be the First

by Ray Curenton

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1.
Better Place 03:46
[Verse 1] I need to believe it And what I feel can’t be downplayed Cus this life that we’re given Is overdue for an upgrade I know there must be something greater It’s on the way sooner or later But of this I am certain I know it best not be delayed [Chorus] (Don’t you want to go?) And I don’t need streets paved with gold (Don’t you want to go?) Don’t need great prophecies foretold (Don’t you want to go?) I need peace, land and bread Where there’s no more death And life’s actually worth living (I wanna go) Be reunited with my father (I wanna go) And no one’s greater than the other (I wanna go) I, I, I, I wanna get Wanna get, gotta get to that better place I, I wanna get Wanna get, gotta get to that better place [Verse 2] No hunger, no diseases The end of poverty and war The thought of no oppression Is what I’m breathing for I’m over wages for my labor Why can’t I just trust in my neighbor? Where discovery and wonder Is right outside my own front door [Chorus] (Don’t you want to go?) And I don’t need streets paved with gold (Don’t you want to go?) Don’t need great prophecies foretold (Don’t you want to go?) I need peace, land and bread Where there is no more death And life’s actually worth living (I wanna go) Be reunited with my father (I wanna go) And no one’s greater than the other (I wanna go) I, I, I, I wanna get Wanna get, gotta get to that better place I, I, I, I wanna get Wanna get, gotta get to that better place [Spoken] Now look here, see, the thing is… If we’re gonna see this thing then we gotta be about this thing We gotta manifest this thing, you know? So follow me like… Yea, I wanna go to that better place, yea I gotta get to that better place (I wanna go to that better place, yea I gotta get to that better place) [Vamp] I wanna go to that better place I gotta get to that better place (I wanna go to that better place I gotta get to that better place) I wanna go to that better place I gotta get to that better place (I wanna go to that better place I gotta get to that better place)
2.
[Verse 1] It’s a matter of truth And our people being robbed of youth It’s a matter of strife And what matters most is we have life They don’t build it by themselves Then don't share with no one else On their own won’t make it right Have to fix it with our might [Chorus] Sounding the fire bell! Cue amplifiers’ yell! Together we’re stronger So what are we waiting for? End occupier’s spell! Tear down empire’s hell! Can’t take it no longer? Then what are we waiting for? [Verse 2] If it’s a matter of love Then we should work to make what we speak of If it’s a matter of time Well then the commitment should fit the crime Graven images of greed Keep us all from what we need If we never signal change It will become more deranged [Chorus 2x] [Bridge] They don’t build it by themselves Then don't share with no one else Fighting for access to health As conditions kill in stealth On their own won’t make the change They just do not have the range Take up arms and stake a claim Stop the reign in Jesus’ name [Rap Verse] Uh, Civil How long is how long? They keep the pile-on Wearing kicks you can’t even put a mile on I ain’t never been the type to call “bygones” See the vision Freedom I got my eye on There’s a lot of this co-opting and appropriating Skin folks get bought out, and I don’t have the patience Phobias and -isms create these mental prisons Division that’s placed on us and stop our living We manipulated We be punchin down Crabs in a barrel instead of rising to snatch the crown And I ain’t backin down A mix of Sandinistas And I’m “Black and I’m proud” Done with later, it happens now Ain’t tryna eat solo, I want us at the table Time to rage against the machine and snatch the cable You don’t see it Holmes but your time is coming too When they done coming for us they gonna come for you [Chorus 2x]
3.
Profit 03:41
[Verse 1] Was a while, and naysayers nay-say Believed that things would never change (Com)pulsive individualism Yet in time, every tide starts turning So it’s best you start discerning And give up materialism [Prechorus] But if it feels good, why do you need self-control? Power might lift you, but never will make you whole Don’t want to worry, so you push the thought away Of pending Judgement Day But what if it’s today? [Chorus] Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they find that your good fruits have been few? How would you explain what you pursue If you gained the world to lose your soul? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they don’t see it from your point of view? How you gonna live your life brand new? Would you gain the world to lose your soul? [Verse 2] No need for feckless banter The question’s already answered: (Do) desperate times call for same measures? To be sure, the people will rise up Seize the land, distribute, and destruct Deceptive symbols of pleasures [Prechorus] But if it feels good, why do you need self-control? Power might lift you, but never will make you whole Don’t want to worry, so you push the thought away Of pending Judgement Day But what if it’s today? [Chorus] Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they find that your good fruits have been few? How would you explain what you pursue If you gained the world to lose your soul? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they don’t see it from your point of view? How you gonna live your life brand new? Would you gain the world to lose your soul? [Bridge] (What if it’s today?) Too consumed with the wealth that you could save But that’s nothing you can take to your grave (What if it’s too late?) Is this really what you’ll die for? Really what you’ll die for? You’ll die for? [Chorus 2x] Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they find that your good fruits have been few? How would you explain what you pursue If you gained the world to lose your soul? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? And they don’t see it from your point of view? How you gonna live your life brand new? Would you gain the world to lose your soul?
4.
[Intro] You know sometimes Life gets to getting good And it just takes me over like I…feel…so…free! [Hook] You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble [Verse 1] I don’t ever have to worry I know that you’re there You are constantly caring for me And I don’t ever have to fret, no I don’t have to fear You always supply my every need I don’t set high expectation (on people, I tend to act much more discreet) But in you, I find foundation (you place me back upon my feet) [Hook] You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble [Verse 2] Whenever I’m in need of help You are present You’re right here in every circumstance So I take that in and be still Dependableness Much too true to all just be by chance When I’m met with tribulation (you show up and tell the floods and quakes to cease) You extend an invitation (to be with you in holy peace) [Hook] You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble [Bridge] Through the perils of life You bring wondrous light I’m amazed at all your love answers for In your harboring How astonishing Your abundant grace to mend and restore [Hook] You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble You are my refuge and strength In times of trouble, times of trouble
5.
But other times, every now and then, I can’t hear And worst yet, is when I can’t see And those time… Those times are the worst times On a cold night of especially polluting light I lost my faith in Upstate New York
6.
Stars 04:15
[Verse 1] Yet another day Means another vision deferred Credulously pray Ask for the strength To bear the absurd Day becomes a week Week turns into month turns into yet another year Virtuously meek? Or yielding to angst, Subjection, and fear? [Chorus] How do I scent the trail of life When all I taste is what I despise? How do I reach a joy divine When all I hear are lies? How do I sense beyond my plight When I can’t see the stars at night? [Verse 2] Suffocating sleep Heir to Vincent’s troubling roam Drowning in the deep Lost and alone Even when I’m home [Chorus] How do I scent the trail of life When all I taste is what I despise? How do I reach a joy divine When all I hear are lies? How do I sense beyond my plight When I can’t see the stars at night? [Verse 3] Inner-piloting will to survive these straits Craving integrated fates Is this birthing a radical shift of space? A political core to deface? Yet another eve Yet another image obscured So without reprieve Dare I take command And manifest word? [Chorus] How do I scent the trail of life When all I taste is what I despise? How do I reach a joy divine When all I hear are lies? How do I comprehend my sight When I can’t see the stars at night?
7.
[Verse 1] I am tired of waiting I’m in need of you now much more than before Feels like suffocating To be fighting in metaphysical war And it's about my past I long for resolution Got to make it last There must be a conclusion I don’t have the forecast And I've lost some motivation But I'm holding fast ‘Cus in you there's an answer [Chorus] I need you to heal me from false convictions Heal me from masquerades I need you to heal me from old restrictions Heal me from being afraid I need you to heal me from all addictions Heal me from all of my shame I need you to heal me, I need you to heal me I need you to heal me so I am whole again [Verse 2] I can't keep debating If I'm turning this to you or if I'm not At times, it's so deflating When a hint of end is crushed with just one thought And it's about my past I long for resolution Got to make it last There must be a conclusion I don’t have the forecast And I've lost some motivation But I'm holding fast I'm on my knees, I'm asking please, Lord [Chorus] [Vamp] I am whole again
8.
I lost my faith in Upstate New York But I got it back in Western Mass. Yea, I got it back And so we run…
9.
Runaway 03:16
[Verse 1] Could it be persuading Really is not working? Need to try a different approach Stolen pride, constant fear Personal injury Terror has completely encroached Abuse is obtuse Doesn’t care how much Devastation is left in its wake Look within for the thirst The will to repair the loss And to get out for your own sake [Chorus] (You try so hard to stay) But never heal the pain inflicted everyday (What if you break away?) Blunt the force of weapons that are all at play (Alright to run away) Though the choice of leaving feels the hardest (Just try to run away) Find the path that leads you to your harvest [Verse 2] Shouldn’t it be that thinking Is not clouded by Manipulating forces of blame? Bitterness and fatigue Stunted plans, freedom lost Topped with dirt all thrown on your name Naturally your instincts Tell you to fight or fly But in this case fighting won’t do The strength of escape Lifeline most dignified Flip the script on what you’ve been through [Chorus] (You try so hard to stay) But never heal the pain inflicted everyday (What if you break away?) Blunt the force of weapons that are all at play (Alright to run away) Though the choice of leaving feels the hardest (Just try to run away) Find the path that leads you to your harvest
10.
[Verse 1] Pipedream: maybe I’m just too old for this racquetball Mainstream: am I thinking too big? Better make it small 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 That’s 7 whole years I don't know where I’m headin’ (and then the…) 16 hours, 12 committed just to pay the rent How am I supposed to write a song when I’m this doggone spent? Hibernation, tryin’ hard to stay sane I need a B12 shot, feeling out of my brain (but then it’s…) [Pre-Chorus 1] (Hold up, stop it, now) I don’t have to go loopy-spacey (Think up, speak it, how) Because I know I’m larger than this (Sync up, be it, vow) If what I’m promised won’t forsake me (It’s not…too late, it’s not…too late…wow) [Chorus] No, it’s not too late I can still create Still got time to be who I’m supposed to be No, it will be great Yes, it’s worth the wait I know what I need will come if I believe No, it’s not too late [Verse 2] Bloodstream: feel it in my bones like my name Jeremiah Ice cream: moose tracks swirls with the buckeyes Yea, I like it, yea, you know I like it But you know I’ve always liked it Anybody else that like it? (it’s been…) 2-4-7 I done held it all inside my head Got me thinking maybe I should just go back to bed More grey skies and I can’t stand the rain Need a vodka shot or a bump of cocaine (but then it’s…) [Pre-Chorus 2] (Hold up, stop it, now) I don’t have to go loopy-spacey (Think up, speak it, how) Because I know I’m worth more than that (Sync up, be it, vow) If what I’m promised won’t forsake me (It’s not…too late, it’s not…too late…wow) [Chorus] No, it’s not too late I can still create Still got time to be who I’m supposed to be No, it will be great Yes, it’s worth the wait I know what I need will come if I believe No, it’s not too late (Yea!) I can still create (Yea!) Still got time to be who I’m supposed to be (Yea, yea!) No, it will be great (Yea!) Yes, it’s worth the wait (Yea!) I know what I need will come if I believe (Yea, yea!) No, it’s not too late (LC) [Verse 3] Yo, it’s not too late cuz the time is now Think about it only time I could right this down The journey long and my brain’s dizzy when life’s around That’s why I’m blessed to have this booth and the mic, A round? Cheers—we be toasting today Here’s to consistency and efforts when so many have swayed Here’s to the hours we devoured in the chase of a page Tryna create the perfect color ways to brighten the grays—yes This for us as we travel through The life’s cycle we might like to be outta dude We stay creating, they stay complacent, it’s attitude Been at it 7 years plus why you mad at Lou? Yo, how am I late if I’m here There ain’t a deadline to greatness, that’s abundantly clear Come to be company and so much steady wasted in fear Comparing what we be doing with the work of our peers I’m working til my goals all appear And you can catch me still grinding if it’s taking me years Check—I know that I’m supposed to be here And I keep that belief closer than the words of my fear [Chorus] No, it’s not too late (It’s really never) I can still create (It really can’t be too late) Still got time to be who I’m supposed to be (It’s impossible, as long as you’re here, there’s time) No, it will be great (Yea) Yes, it’s worth the wait I know what I need will come if I believe (We always on time!) No, it’s not too late (Yea!) I can still create (Yea!) Still got time to be who I’m supposed to be (Yea, yea!) No, it will be great (Yea!) Yes, it’s worth the wait (Yea!) I know what I need will come if I believe (Yea, yea!) No, it’s not too late [Outro] I know that I’m supposed to be here And I keep that belief closer than the words of my fears Dude, that’s dope
11.
12.
[Verse 1] Don’t understand why it’s you that you are denying Hiding and slighting, discredits keep you from trying Every night, everyday, you keep yourself away from love The very thing you scorn is what you should be proud of I’ve seen this side of you and, wow, it’s so amazing A beauty so divine; glory worthy of praising Yet you won’t show the world, you barely will let me see Embracing all you are is how it’s meant to be [Prechorus 1] I go up for you, baby, but it’s never enough It’s messed up you won’t receive and you call it a bluff Every blemish and scar is what makes you a star to me What would it take for you to trust it and believe? [Chorus] I want you to know you’re a blessing to earth (and I) Know God went way beyond when he made you somebody You are celestial, more than just potential You’ve got something special, and I want you to share it with you And I really wish that you could see how much you’re worth (yes I) I love your entire heart, mind, soul, and body You are celestial, more than just potential You’ve got something special, and I want you to share it with you [Verse 2] Not to be rude but I’m starting to think that maybe The one who respects you least of all is you, baby Always sell yourself short: the inner saboteur folly Embracing all you are is how I wish it’d be [Prechorus 2] I go up for you baby but it’s never enough Won’t let up and you deceive/treat your psyche so rough Every blemish and scar is what makes you by far the dream What would it take to hold yourself in high esteem? [Chorus] [Bridge] Make centering yourself the first priority Reject the spirit of inferiority And see you have dignity Imagineered by God, made in his own image So nothing in the universe could diminish Every freckle and trait is what makes you fully unique Embracing all you are is how it’s meant to be [Chorus 2x]
13.
Knowledge 04:31
[Chorus] I really want to see you I want to get right to the core Just to become your essence And to know you more and more I long to be enlightened Your wisdom is what I strive for To know we’re in accordance And to know you more and more [Verse 1] I am a student of life, with an insatiable appetite An ever-seeking heart in the fight, the pursuit of right Take me inside the depths of your mind that reveal my confines That my limits may be redefined to expand my shine [Prechorus 1] Then, when I’m down and out Cus I’ve lost my way Will you take my hand And lead me back from stray? And when I’m cornered by Those who would do harm Will you pull me up In your loving arms? [Chorus] I really want to see you I want to get right to the core Just to become your essence And to know you more and more I long to be enlightened Your wisdom is what I strive for To know we’re in accordance And to know you more and more [Verse 2] Such beautiful moments pulled away from the depressive day-to-day Permitting engagement in elevation to a rightful plane I treasure every gift that stimulates and encourages my play Requesting that I take part in the advancement of this human brain [Prechorus 2] So when the lonely hours Bring despondency I will turn to you For my clarity And with my head held high I will seek your face And be consumed in your embrace [Chorus] I really want to see you I want to get right to the core Just to become your essence And to know you more and more I long to be enlightened Your wisdom is what I strive for To know we’re in accordance And to know you more and more [Dialogue] In the margins of the pages of life I uncover the true nature of the absolute The knowledge isn’t out of reach In fact, it all lies within me [Chorus] I really want to see you I want to get right to the core Just to become your essence And to know you more and more I really want to see you I want to get right to the core Just to become your essence And to know you more and more I long to be enlightened Your wisdom is what I strive for To know we’re in accordance And to know you more and more
14.
Aroundabout 03:15
[Spoken] Ayy, so I really need to break down and finally get a pedicure, man I’m not tired yet…but I think my feet might be You know, running for Jesus? [Pre-verse 1] Round, round, round [Verse 1] Been around the block a few times now, and here’s the thing: Life has a funny way of sending you back and back, back and back again You could have conniptions worried ’bout what seasons bring (bring) Truth is your need for closure could awaken events that once had been I know you’re already ready for greener pastures (greener pastures) Wanna kick and scream, feel like forces in charge have put you on parole But what if the glow-up lies in unfinished chapters And all you need to do is surrender to what is beyond your control? [Pre-hook 1] And if you ain’t get what you need on the first try God will press repeat: it’s your chance for a rewind Get in your lane, don’t let your exit pass by ’Cus if it does you’ll have to go back a… [Hook] Round and around and around and a oh-oh Round and around and around and a oh Round-round and around and around and aroundabout (Keep your head and don’t let it take you out) Round and around and around and a oh-oh Round and around and around and a oh Round-round and around and around and aroundabout (You gon’ win as long as you don’t bow out) [Pre-verse 2] Round and around and around and a Ooh! [Verse 2] You may be about to really, truly, catch a case Same job, same commute, same funny money, same broke-down relationship Look, I don’t know the reason why you’ve returned to this place But I know a power discovering truth in thankless stewardship If you don’t allow cycles to fill you up with spite Finding new perspective for your circumstance unlocks exclusive scoops Here comes the opportunity to finally get it right (mmm get it right) Let it pave the way for you to find yourself out of that awful loop [Pre-hook 2] And if you ain’t get what you need on the first try You can press repeat on this song for a rewind Get in your lane, don’t let your exit pass by ’Cus if it does you’ll have to go back a… [Hook x 2]
15.
16.
Wandered through the wilderness on faith Burdened by the dying rule, and haunted by the wraith The fabric of trust now bears a stain Seems as if every attempt to reset was in vain Every being has a cross to bear And I know you’ve been crucified and left the worse for wear But faced with these dehumanizing stares Would you join hands with me to answer our own prayers? For when it feels you’re under lock and key Our love will pave the path towards free And though I know life holds no guarantees It could be great if you make it with me Everybody else is unconcerned Value shaped by stinginess and hoarding the unearned I asked before if all of this is learned Feeble misconstructed hearth that brought about my burn Buried in a tomb and cast astray Something else to be so unmade: dust returned from the clay So as I work to roll the stone away Would you break bread with me, join me in the fray? For when you lose sight of what this could be I’ll dry those eyes that you might see And though a dream’s not yet reality Imagine anything, make it with me Yes, we have had a heavy cross to bear Faced many dehumanizing stares Buried in a tomb and cast astray Laboring to roll the stone away A mighty tough row to hoe these several years But the object is closer than it appears I can sketch the pictures held in your mind Already designed For when it feels you’re under lock and key Our love will pave the path towards free And though I know life holds no guarantees It could be great if you make it with me For when you lose sight of what this could be I’ll dry those eyes that you might see And though a dream’s not yet reality Imagine anything, make it with me It could be great if you make it with me Don’t be afraid of change, make it with me Ooo, make it with me You can make it with me Yea I know this road might get a little rough sometimes And I know you may not understand it all sometimes But if you hold on, hold on Just hold on, my sister and Hold on, my brother and Hold on, my family Hold on, my friend You can just take my hand And we’ll make it to the promised land Make it, just make it with me We can make it whatever you need it to be Come on, walk with me Imagine anything We can, yes we can We will, yes we will We’ll make it, yes we will We’ll make it, yes we will I’m getting happy just thinking about this thing

about

I approached this album as if it were my last—it very well might be.

I don’t say that because I don’t plan on continuing making music; on the contrary, I feel like I’m really just getting started. But seeing this project across the finish line has involved a major reckoning—multiple reckonings, actually. After years of being overworked in day jobs and completely uninspired as a musician, I finally course-corrected on both accounts and took some charge over my life. A huge part of that was going through an intense test of faith that ironically brought me back to my faith. That journey is chronicled in these songs.

I decided to stop following the lead of other artists who weren’t doing the things I wanted to do—which I realized was the source of much of my frustration. In writing these songs, I turned off the radio. I disengaged from the streaming playlists, the charts, the trends. And I returned to the music that made me want to create music in the first place: 80s, 90s, and early 00s R&B and urban contemporary gospel music. This is the core of my sound—the soundtrack of my youth. I studied the grooves, the melodies, the hooks, the harmonies, the percussion, the ad-libs, the spirit. And I did my best to channel all of it. The results are pure nostalgia—a passion project of sorts. This album was not designed to be a “hit.” It is a swan song. A love letter to a previous time. May it be just as timeless.

In choosing to make faith-inspired music I did, however, set some conditions for myself. I knew that I could not and would not regurgitate dogma and empty platitudes. I studied liberation theologies and other progressive thought that resonated with my own politics and identities. I broke a few rules and took the spiritual, the theoretical, and the material and blended it all together. I opted to make a kind of gospel music that challenges and provokes just as much as it comforts and heals. Even if you aren’t a person of faith, I hope this album feels good to you and brings you encouragement—and I hope you appreciate the love and care put into the craftsmanship. And if you are a person of faith, I hope this work pushes you beyond proselytizing and judgment and into a greater place of understanding and willingness to coexist across difference.

Believer, a.k.a. The Last Shall Be the First is a 16-track collection designed to spark collective conversations about Black faith, economics, politics, community, holistic health, and futures. Black LIFE.

credits

released June 2, 2023

Executive Producers: Brandon Adams, Ray Curenton, and Tim Dillinger

All tracks produced by Brandon Adams & Ray Curenton
All programming and instruments by Ray Curenton & Brandon Adams unless otherwise noted
Vocals co-produced by Tim Dillinger (Tracks 1-2, 4, 6-7, 10, 12-14, 16)
Organ: Alton Gibson (Tracks 1, 16)
Saxophones: David Williford (Tracks 1-2, 10)
Trumpet: Zachery Douglas (Tracks 1-2, 10)
Additional keys: Malcolm Dean (Tracks 4, 7, 13, 16)
String arrangement by Mary Watkins (Track 6)
Strings: Philip Kramer (Track 6)
Harp: Liana Alpino (Track 7)
Background vocals: Kweli Buckner, Robin Curenton, Tim Dillinger (Tracks 1, 10, 16)
Additional background vocals: Tim Dillinger (Track 14)
Additional choir stomps and claps: Kyra Curenton (Track 16)

All tracks recorded by Brandon Adams
Additional recording for “Better Place”, “Whole (Heal Me)”, “It’s Not Too Late” and “Make It with Me” by Eric Westmaas at Sweetbriar Recording Studio (Nashville, TN)
Additional recording for “It’s Not Too Late” by Bryce Anthony Eckwall at Quarter to Nine Productions (Hyde Park, NY)

All tracks mixed by Brandon Adams except:
“Profit”, “Something Special” and “Knowledge” mixed by Blake Eiseman
“Refuge + Strength” and “Make It with Me” mixed by Jon Blass with assistance by Jesse Lavigne
“Whole (Heal Me)”, “It’s Not Too Late” and “Aroundabout” mixed by Ryan DeRemer

Mastered by Dave Harris at Studio B Mastering, Charlotte, NC

Photography by Emily April Allen
Hair and styling by Tim K’Roche
Art direction and design by Imagination Fury Arts

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Ray Curenton Nashville, Tennessee

Spiritual R&B artist. Black liberationist. Cultural worker. Songwriter.

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